PRACTICE: Read with the intention to listen.
I was preparing our Sunday evening meal. I had spent most of the day in the kitchen meal prepping for the week. My husband entered the kitchen and asked with sincerity, “How can I help?” and sat at the kitchen table obviously ready for dinner that wasn’t ready. I thought for a minute or two and placed directly in front him a task to be completed, gave instruction, and continue with dinner preparation. When dinner was ready to be served, the task remained untouched on the table. We sat for dinner with it as the guest of honor. At some point during the meal, he looked at me and calmly said, “you asked me to do something with this…what did you want me to do?”
He heard me but was not listening to me. His question was an acknowledgment that he heard the request but at the time, he was preoccupied with a hand- held device.
We live in a culture where acknowledgment means little. One almost needs to ask, “can you hear me – are you listening?” and wait for a visual and verbal response that the message was received. My husband is not atypical in his behavior – most of us are guilty of hearing but not listening. We receive so many messages from so many places that we learn to filter most of it out.
“Can you hear me now?’ was the tagline for a cellphone carrier promoting the geographical broadness of their reception versus another “less than?” optimal choice. Sometimes I am the voice crying, “can you hear me?” Other times, I am the recipient – hearing but not listening.
I have a responsibility to listen when spoken to. When I am the messenger, I need to get the attention of and deliver the message to the intended recipient. I wasn’t upset with my husband. I let the task sitting in the middle of the table deliver its own unique message.
My husband is so familiar with the cadence of my voice that it has become the soundtrack for his world and easy to ignore. His ask was genuine. He has been known to sweep the floor when I asked for the dishes to be washed or take the trash out when I asked for the table to be set. He hears the request and does something else. I have learned to say, “Did you hear me? Or what did I just say?” When the shoe is on the other foot, he has learned to say, “Are you listening to me?” And he repeats this question to me often.
Matt.11:15
PONDER THIS THOUGHT—Hearing and listening are the flipside of the same coin.
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