PRACTICE: Think of your last disappointment. Why were you disappointed?
We can only be disappointed when our expectations are not met… I am disappointed at the outcome of a project… disappointed in how the cake turned out… she or he is such a disappointment. Life is a mixed bag of disappointments and successes. When you have expressed feelings of disappointment toward another person or about something or in yourself, I bet that somewhere in the expression, expectations were presented. You expected things to go one way and they went another.
Expectations are often the precursor to great and deep-seated anger. The anger is birthed from the subsequent disappointment when the expectations are unmet. For example, a child may be scarred because their parent couldn’t live up to the parent’s expectation of what a good parent should be. Self-disappointment/disappointment and anger set up camp in both parties, not because of the parenting practices, but because of the parent’s failure to meet their expectations. High expectations of others or of self should be set but our willingness to work toward the outcome should be equally as high and undergirded with grace. There-in lies the challenge with setting expectations of others. You and I can’t do the work for someone else.
Expectations, in my opinion, need to be contextually appropriate.
For example, my expectations related to returning to “normal” after herd immunity is reached, has changed. I no longer believe that the old normal is achievable, nor do I want it back if I am completely honest. I can’t undo what I have seen and heard over the last 14 plus months. My eyes have seen the underbelly of humanity. In the old normal, I knew it existed but hadn’t tasted it, witnessed it. My ears have heard poisonous venom spoken publicly with an eloquence honed from a private practice. I have seen my neighborhood go from a collection of people behind closed doors to a walking, friendlier, caring group of people. So, do I want to go back to the old normal with the expectation that I and others could forget what has been unleashed - both the good and bad? Absolutely not. I would be disappointed.
I want desperately to take what is and establish new expectations for what the new normal can be. Even as I pen these words, I am acutely aware that disappointment lies ahead. I am also aware that out of disappointment grows the amazing opportunity for me to practice extending grace – the kind of grace that I want to receive when I have disappointed.
Habakkuk 2:3
PONDER THIS THOUGHT---Expectations are the breeding ground for disappointments.
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