PLANTS AND PEOPLE
In the space where I spend most of my time, there are at least twenty potted plants ranging in height from a few inches to over six feet tall. You might say I am a plant person. Each plant is unique. Some grow fast, some have adapted to root bound conditions while others struggle, some are slow growers, some require a lot of hands-on attention, others are just fine with the right light and water. Others are quite gregarious and root easily. Knowing the needs of each is an ongoing process. Time and communication have been the essential ingredients with each of my surviving and thriving plants. But the sweet spot (maintenance) is tenuous. For a period, all is well and then either I or the plant becomes dissatisfied…the sun changes direction, the pot becomes too small, or I decide it would look better in another spot. I could easily have been describing any one of my friendships. In my opinion, growing plants and relationships have a lot in common. You might say I am a people person too.
Each of my friendships are unique and I would label most of them as slow growers (slow is not defined by years). They don’t require a lot of hands-on attention but just the right amount of light and watering. All of them have been strengthened and challenged by the adversities of our mutually shared life. Honesty has been and is a guiding principle…honest with another – honestly takes courage. My opinion again: honesty is the litmus test for the strength of a relationship especially under adversarial conditions. All friendships need regular feeding and watering, and all will become root-bound if not regularly repotted. To stay root-bound is to risk a dull lifeless relationship and/or death (I know because I have had some). Repotting requires facing and speaking the truth about lifelessness. Speaking takes courage when the loss of a friend is at risk.
My willingness to speak and receive truth is a signal of my commitment to the relationship. Their willingness to do likewise is their signal of a commitment to me. After a few times repotting, we can say to each other, “I can talk to you about anything,” and mean it. Open and honest communication is the food and fuel of any strong and thriving relationship. As with plants, one must figure out what that looks like.
How do I know if this is true? Experience. I recently spent 6 days and 5 nights with some of my oldest, newest, and youngest friends. The gathering was the needed repotting for some, the fertilizer for others, the watering for all and the trial and error of discovery for a new friendship. We talked, reminisced, played, cried, ate, drank, and laughed. Everyone left the better because of it.
PONDER THIS THOUGHT—True friends understand, believe, and accept you. They tell you when they don’t.
Thanks friend!