VALIDATION NOT NECESSARY

PRACTICE: Describe how you typically introduce one friend to another friend.

Occasionally, I will meet a certain friend of mine for a meal. We mostly meet at a location in her neighborhood and inevitably we encounter one of her neighbors or friends which means an introduction happens. The introduction of the friend to me is a version of this verbiage, “this is Bob and he works for…or he and I serve on x committee.” I am introduced with the verbiage, “Bob, this is Gwen. Her husband works for…” Notice the difference in the introductions but that is a topic for another time. My friend’s introduction practice is not unique to her. Our society has a need to validate and be validated by what we do, who we know, not who we are. When I am told who Bob works for, that validates his worth to me and society. When Bob is told about who my husband works for, that validates me for Bob and my friend subconsciously validates her worth because of the successful people she knows and hangs out with.

This type of introduction often leaves me feeling a bit uncomfortable and wondering what to do with the information. What the other person does to put food on his table or clothes on his back tells me nothing about the person except they can hold a position on a committee or a job. I completely understand that this is a way to engage in polite conversation, but it is still, in my opinion, validation. To be introduced by my friend to another one of her friends, ought to be validation enough.

Here’s a litmus test if you don’t believe my validation theory. The next time you meet someone and after names are exchanged, you are asked, “And what do you do?” give an unconventional answer (notice I did not say lie). The response that I have been working on is, “And why do you ask?” See where an enquiry like this takes you. I believe if the individual asking the question is genuinely interested in knowing more about you, a deeper conversation will occur, or the conversation will abruptly end.

None of this is about me not wanting to say what I do. I work at a mundane job that is highly rewarding because I can help others. However, I see no need to be validated for the sake of validation which gives little to no insight into the true me other than I employable and not a dead beat. This has to do with having encounters that are of substance.

So how do I want to be introduced and how do I introduce? “Gloria meet my friend, Mark. Mark, this is my friend Gloria.” No other validation necessary!!!

Proverbs 22:22

PONDER THIS THOUGHT – Authentic validation of others/you are not achieved from a one time interaction.